A Hero In All Of Us
by JamSack
Summary: This is taken from the episode Heroes Part Two in Season 7. Everyone's sad because J- you-know-who died, and reflecting on the events that happened. Small SJ. First two chapters written before I became a Stargate Know-it-all! PLease Read!
1. Default Chapter

**Author's Note -**

From Heroes Part Two. One of my favourite episodes that I've seen so far. It was the episode that got me watching Stargate like, consistently. Before I used to watch it on/off so I've missed some stuff.

Except I saw that Zay'tarc testing one for the first timethe othernight! So now I know what everyones talking about when they refer to the Zay'tarc testing in S/J stories! I was that close to crying when I saw it! And then rofled my way through Window's! tehehe P

By the way, I don't know much about battle tactics and the commands that would be given, so I sort of used common sense. I also used my basic medical terminology which is extremely basic, so I apologize if any of you nurse or doctors or 'in-training' or science people are reading this and are shaking their heads at my limited knowledge. I should probably research this stuff...one day.

I don't know if General Hammond can say the stuff that he's gonna say, but he's gonna say them anyway

Anyway, here it is, isn't Sam and Jack just stupid! DUH! And some of this may be a little corny, but actually, it is real sometimes.

Well enjoy reading (and reviewing).

JamSack

'Siiiiiiiiir.' Everything went in slow motion for Sam, as she saw her commanding officer, Colonel Jack O'Neill, fall to the ground, blasted by the staff. She started to race to him, shooting some Jaffa on the way.

In the back of her mind she could hear Teal'c speaking on his two-way radio as he followed her. 'Doctor Frasier! O'Neill has been shot. We need aid immediately.' Doctor Frasier spoke back to him hurriedly. 'I'm busy at the moment but I can try and get someone else. Hang on.' He waited for her while she spoke to Daniel. 'I've got someone coming. You're in the north region right? Just near the gate?'

'That is correct.'

'Okay, he should be there in two minutes.'

'Thank you, Doctor.'

Teal'c turned around to find that Major Carter had left his side and was now kneeling over Jack's body. 'Sir', she spoke to him. 'Please wake up. We're in trouble. We need you here.' She spoke so softly that only Jack, if he were awake, would be able to hear her. 'I need you here.' Sam fought back the tears that she could feel welling up in her eyes. Gosh she was so sensitive sometimes! Every time this happened and Jack got seriously hurt, she felt like this. But even after all this, she still had not built up immunity to it.

Teal'c came up to her and gently pulled her away. 'Major Carter,' he said. 'A medic will be here in a minute with Daniel Jackson. We need to get him to the gate.'

'Teal'c, is he going to...' she trailed off, not wanting to say it.

'I have no doubt that he will live, Major. Colonel O'Neill is a strong man.'

Suddenly a medic showed up. He quickly worked his stuff on the Colonel, and then, when there was a break in the fighting, they hurried to the gate, and went through to their world.

Alarm bells were ringing in Sam's ears as the other SG-1 members came through the gate. She saw the Colonel being wheeled away on the hospital bed like a sick invalid. It didn't suit him at all. Tears filled her eyes and she quickly hurried away to her quarters before she completely broke down in front of General Hammond and the other team members. General Hammond understood and gave her a nod as she walked quickly out of the Stargate room.

She was grateful for it. She was grateful that he understood what she felt at the moment. But seeing him lying there... she realised something. Something that she hadn't fully understood before, something that was only an inkling before, she now understood. She understood that if he died, she would not be able to live properly. That a part of her would die with him. Because she loved him. She had always loved him, from the moment she walked into the door to join the SG-1 team, she had known that there was something different about him, different from some of the boyfriends she had, had in the past. Maybe that's why it had never worked out with them. There was only one Jack.

And now he might die. (Like all the rest). He might die before she ever got a chance to tell him, just to let him know. Not that she ever could tell him.

More tears rolled down her cheeks and she started jogging to her room, so she could properly cry as soon as she got there, with her face in her pillow, so that no one else could hear her. She rushed through the hallway, nearly running into the shifty reporter that always seemed to be lurking around.

He tried to speak to her. 'Major ... what happened?'

'Please.' She held up her hands, covering her tear-stained face.

'Now I know that at least one person was injured back there.' He continued. 'And all I want to say is-'

She cut him off, angry at his intrusiveness. 'Look! Leave me alone!'

Didn't he understand what she was feeling at the moment, what any of them would be feeling? It was amazing how he could be so totally oblivious to people's emotions. All he cared about was his precious story.

'And shut that damn thing off!' She yelled angrily, striding through the open door and slamming it behind her, upset, fighting to hold back the tears that she had left. She turned right to go to her quarters and then stopped. Instead she walked towards the infirmary to visit Colonel O'Neill. She had to visit him, she could bear not knowing if he was all right.

She stood outside the door, wiping her eyes and composing herself. She braced herself, preparing for the worst, and walked in.

She was immediately shocked, as she saw her commanding officer. He was lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to a heart machine. It was beeping inconsistently, which worried Sam profusely, but the doctor in charge assured her that it would soon become steady and then he left them alone.

Colonel O'Neill's face was a pasty white colour and every now and then, he would turn to the side, groaning in pain. It took all her will power not to cry out in sorrow and she knelt down beside his bed with tears streaming down her cheeks, apprehensively brushing her hand against his. His eyes were open and held no life. There was not a trace of the sarcastic humour, which they usually carried. This scared her. This was not the Colonel O'Neill she knew, and she cried, she cried at the thought that she might lose the only man she had ever loved. It had happened many times before, but this was different for some reason.

She heard a knock at the door and she dropped Jack's hand like wild fire. It was General Hammond. 'Is it all right if I come in, Major?' He asked politely, noticing wetness on her face and her uncharacteristic, obtrusive show of emotions. Sam nodded cautiously, not really feeling up to talking. She wiped her face on her sleeve as General Hammond sat down on the floor next to her.

'Samantha', he spoke in all seriousness. 'I know that you must feel terrible. We're all very fond of Jack. He's an excellent man, and I'm proud to have him on our team.' Sam managed to give a wobbly smile as he continued.

'You two have been through a lot together, and came out of it, closer than ever. Especially when the two of you almost drowned side-by-side. I think that was the turning point of your non-professional-but-not-acting-on-it relationship.' Sam turned to the General, her face showing her enormous surprise at what he had just said.

'C'mon, Major, it's not like the entire SG-1 team hasn't noticed something. You're both very surreptitious with your feelings and skilled in keeping your guard up, but somehow, everyone has noticed.

Today has been a hard day; it's not easy, losing someone you love, but I know Colonel O'Neill will pull through like he has done many, many times. He's very stubborn sometimes...especially when it comes to following orders. If he believes it's the best thing for the team, and in some cases, the world, he will go with what he believes, whether I give the okay or not.' General Hammond paused, waiting for Sam to say something.

'Sir, I... I mean...nothings happened. It's not like anything's going to happen anyway.' She mumbled. 'I understand the regulations expected of us, and I'm not going risk anything where the SG-C is involved, or otherwise.'

'That's good to hear, Major. Just don't be too hard on yourself.' General Hammond stood up and began to walk out of the room.

'Sir?' He stopped and turned to look back at her. 'Please don't tell Colonel O'Neill, what we discussed.'

'Of course', he answered, and left the room, leaving Sam alone to wait for Jack to wake up.

Colonel O'Neill woke up in the early hours of the morning feeling a shoot of pain go through his abdomen. He sat up slowly, surprised to find Carter sitting on the ground and leaning on the soft covers of the side of his bed. He noticed that she had circles under her eyes. She had obviously been waiting for him to wake up, as he had done countless times, usually after he had just saved her neck. He watched her sleeping for a moment, listening to her snore softly. She looked so peaceful...and beautiful.

But he couldn't go back to sleep with her lying there now; that would drive him crazy. Careful not to wake her, Jack lifted her up and placed her gently on a spare bed, pulling the blankets over her cold body. He resisted the urge to drop a light kiss on her forehead, and climbed into his own bed.

But he couldn't sleep anymore. He lay there in the dark, letting his thoughts rush through his head.

Samantha Carter fell asleep, waiting for him to wake up.

He had always waited for her, worried for her well being, even though he didn't always display his concern outwardly.

She had always waited for him too, in some way or another. She had waited for him on Edora, working tirelessly to get him back. And then he had ignored her, pushing her away, seeing her distress and relief at the thought of losing him, and then getting him back. He was afraid of his feelings for her. They were so powerful, that sometimes it took all his willpower not to scream out that he cared... He sighed.

It was easier to hold aloof from her.

But he couldn't help feeling annoyed at all the years that had been wasted. Finally after an hour, he fell into a troubled sleep.

After waking up in the infirmary when she wasn't sick, Sam Carter quietly snuck out, being careful not to wake any of the patients, and gave a small sad smile in Jack's direction. When she left the door, she was immediately faced with Daniel in the hallway. He had come to visit a man whose wife was pregnant. Daniel explained to her what had missed yesterday when she left to see Jack. He hated giving her worse news, but he wasn't going to keep her in ignorance of what had happened to her friend.

Sam, upon hearing that Dr. Janet Frasier had died, sank down to the floor crying for the woman that had saved her life many times, crying for the woman that had been with them for so long, crying for her dear friend. Daniel sat down on the floor with her and put his arms around her comfortingly.

'First Jack, and Janet as well. I don't want to lose anyone else.

Daniel tactfully ignored the fact that she had said "Jack."

'We go on these missions, wondering if it's turn for one of us to not come back, we take the risk knowing our lives are in danger and we always manage to wing it. But now Janet... It's just so hard... and Jack, Colonel O'Neill is seriously wounded, and his life has been saved by Janet heaps of times, the trouble he gets himself into. Which one of us is going to be next? I remember when you died... at least you're still with us... but Janet...' She trailed off, unable to speak intelligibly with a teary voice.

Daniel listened to her, sharing the pain she felt, just as acutely. He should probably have stuck with being a checkout boy in some supermarket and work his way up to the top from there. It was certainly much safer than being tortured by the Jaffa and he would never have become an Ascended.

It had been hard for him from the very start when he had lost his wife to the Jaffa. But they chose to join SG-1 willingly and therefore chose the consequences that might occur as a result of doing their job. And if they didn't do more than their best, particularly in life or death situations, it could be fatal.

Not that Janet or Jack were slacking off in their work or not skilled in their job. Janet was the best doctor he had ever had and Jack, the best CO he could ever hope for. But accidents happen, and sometimes they could be prevented, and sometimes they couldn't...

That's probably what that reporter guy was talking about. Any accident that could be avoided should not happen.

They had all been through a lot together; Jack, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c. They were all very close. Daniel didn't know what to say to make it less hard for Sam. She was at the point where nothing he could say would make a difference to the pain that Sam felt. But he wanted to make her feel better so he just sat in the hallway with her, just for company, just to let her know that he, as a friend, would always be there for her, as the rest of SG-1 would, yes, including Jack O'Neill.

Sam had found her lab after sitting an hour with Daniel. She was grateful to have his shoulder to cry on. She had really needed it, but now she had to type her mission report. She sat at her computer, absentmindedly typing random words on her computer, whatever flowed from her fingertips

"Sam, Jack, Danny, Teal'c, Janet, General Hammond...Pete,

Cassie, SG-1, Thor, Anubis, Ra, Jaffa, Stargate, camera. Sir. Jack, Sam. Jam, Sack." She laughed hysterically when she saw what she had written, which was understandable as she was delirious from lack of sleep and she was emotionally tired having expressed all- nearly all of her feelings to Daniel.

She turned back to the computer and started typing: "Mission Report. (Date) (Planet)

Led by Colonel O'Neill with Major Carter, Dr Jackson, Teal'c..."


	2. A pesky reporter

Author's Note: Yep, the second chapter, never thought it would come would ya, even though I have **no **review's for my first one! C'mon people what's up with that:D Enjoy!

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Emmett Bregman walked into the commissary annoyed. Once again, everyone was concealing something from him. 'It's strictly confidential, bla blah blah.' He was sick and tired of that crap. How was he going to get his documentary up if he wasn't told anything!

Maybe there was someone in here that could help. He looked around at his surroundings and spied a janitor.

'Hey ... How you doing? ... ' The janitor turned around vaguely acknowledging him. 'Don't suppose you know anything about what's going on ... all I can...'

The Janitor suddenly grabbed his gear and left the room.

'Thanks for all the help, buddy!' Fine, I know it's all bullsh-' 

Tech sergeant Dale James, who was doing the camera work and First Class Airman Shep Wickenhouse, who was doing the sound, came in the room, leaving Bregman's angry words hanging in the air.

'There are multiple injuries.' Shep said earnestly. 'At least two people were hit with staff blasts.'

'How do you know?' Bregman said, having had past experiences with unreliable sources.

'There was a fire fight of some kind apparently,' Shep continued. 'One of the teams got ambushed ... so they sent in SG1, SG5, Fraiser and a medical team to extract them.

'Someone from the original team must have been badly hurt or Fraiser wouldn't have gone in at all.' Bregman mused.

'One of the nurses says there was a casualty.' Dale told him.

'Casualty ... did someone die?' Dale gave him a sharp nod as Colonel Tom Rondel, Public affairs liaison Entered the room.

'She wouldn't say who though.'

'Carter's a seasoned officer, she wouldn't be crying unless...' he looked at Tom whose face was grave. 'I mean, we hear someone may actually have died... what have you got?'

Tom took a deep breath before saying, 'O'Neill.'

Bregman was stunned. The commander of SG-1 was dead? 'Sure?' he asked.

'No, I heard he was on a Gurney... took a blast... he's not moving.' Bregaman breathed a sigh relief. He knew it was cruel but at least he could now question the Colonel when he was better.

'The colonel is severely casualed. I suppose there is a possibility that he would die, but let's not jinx it shall we? He superstitiously touched the table in the commissary trying to make the atmosphere a bit lighter. All this talk of death was making him uncomfortable, but he hoped that Colonel O'Neill would be all right. Tom 'conveniently' forgot to tell him about the death of Doctor Frasier, preferring the reporter to find out himself. He knew that Bregman had tried to 'score' a date with Janet before she left on the mission and was quite disgusted at him. He refused to let Bregman make an extravagant, sacrilegious story of her death.

'Tom?' Bregman asked. 'Is there anyone else?'

'No, sir. Not that I know of.'

Sam was halfway through her mission report when General Hammond came and knocked on the door. 'How are you holding up?' He asked kindly inquiring of her emotions towards both Janet and Jack. 

'I'm okay, Sir' she lied. She wouldn't be okay for a long time. She had just lost her best friend. And though she knew General Hammond had her best interest at heart, she preferred to conceal the fact that she was far from okay.

'Did you talk to Agent Barret?'

She nodded and resumed he business like tone. 'He said as far as he knew Woolsey is clean. But he did say he's as sharp as they come. He's got an MBA and an LLP from Harvard. He was a lead council for the Army Corp of Engineers for 10 years, and later sat on the defence policy board. He was asked to resign last year when it was disclosed that he had financial ties to a large corporation that had been awarded over 800 million in private sector defence contracts by the Pentagon. He's been with the N.I.D. since then. Barrett faxed me this internal N.I.D. memo Woolsey recently wrote ...' She trailed off and handed the fax to the General. 'I think you should read it.'

She waited uncertainly while he read it. 'What do we do, Sir?'

'Just tell the truth.'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Ahem.' General Hammond cleared his throat, which Sam immediately associated with something unpleasant that he had to say.

'There's going to be a memorial service on Wednesday. I think it would be appropriate if you said a few words.' Sam once again felt tears welling in her eyes, but she swallowed them back and replied with utmost duty, 'Yes, Sir.'

General Hammond stood up to live. 'Ah, Sir?' He stopped and turned to look at her, her eyes filled with sympathy and remorse. 'How are _you _holding up?'

'You try to tell yourself that every man and woman under your command means the same to you. Each has to be equally valuable if you're going to make the kind of decisions that affect their lives the way I have to. But you can't help it. You get closer to some people you never want to lose anyone.

Sam nodded fighting back tears as she saw that General Hammond truly loved and repected Doctor Fraiser as she did.

General Hammond left giving her a reassuring smile that told her she too, was loved by her kind-hearted General.

Jack sat up yawning in the hospital wing and turned to see his 2IC's smiling face smiling up at him. 'Are you an angel? He asked hazily, his eyes half closed. Sam grinned at his joke and played along.

Yes, Jaack', she said mystically. 'And you are in a hospital heaven.' Jack's stomach turned a bit when she said his name.

'How long will I be here Saint Sammie?' Her stomach turned a bit when he said her name in such a childish form. Only Cassie and her dad were allowed to call her 'Sammie.'

'Well until you can get better, then you may go back to earth.'

'You're gonna kick me out?' He asked shocked.

'Well let's face it. If this is heaven then it's not such a hot-shot place, is it? It's quite evident that you don't belong here.' She gave him a small affectionate pat on the knee. 'We'll send you back to earth and if you're a good boy till next time, we might reconsider letting you stay.

'Heaven know General Hammond needs a looong break from you.' She gave a chuckle at her little pun. Jack broke out into side-splitting laughter and nearly choked so Sam concerned for his health, pat him on the back until he calmed down.

'Ah, your good Carter. Really good. With you, I'll be up and about in no time.'

'But you don't want to leave "heaven", do you Sir?' She asked in mocking seriousness. Jack gave a weak smile trying very hard not to laugh, already exhausted from his previous fit.

'Don't worry, Sir. It's good to have a laugh. Especially now', she sighed not looking at him.

'Carter? Daniel told me about Janet. I know how close you were to her. I'm really sorr-'

'I don't really want to talk about it, Sir. Please? Not with you.' She quickly left the infirmary, mumbling something about seeing General Hammond, but not before Jack could seer the tears that made her beautiful eyes shine with sadness.

_'Not with you, Sir. Not with you...'_

Sam's seemingly harsh words rang through his ears as he tried to work out what the hell she meant.

She didn't want to talk about Janet with him? She wanted to talk about it with someone else? With Daniel?

Okay so Danny was more sensitive than he was in matters like these. He could admit that. But was he not a good sympathiser in this area? Or was he too tactless and sardonic to be helpful in serious situations.

Yes, his mood was at times temperamental and he usually used his sarcastic sense of humour to make light of a troubled or (serious) moment. It was sometimes welcome and most of his team members appreciated it, when it seemed that nothing was going right in a situation that they encountered offworld, but in a case like this being facetious was inexcusable.

Didn't Sam think him able to be serious like that? If she let him, he would show her that he could be a good listener and give helpful advice. He was the leader of their team and had good leadership skills and it was his responsibility to look after his team members and make sure that he was there for each one of them.

A nurse came and gave him some painkillers and he sank back onto his bed deliriously thinking in a more relaxed mood.

Maybe it was not just Janet that made her upset. Maybe it was someone else's injury that helped cause her distress...

He banished this thought immediately on grounds that it was too ludicrous, too far-fetched to be given further thought.

Jack had had heaps of injuries that had resulted in almost death. Hell! Jack had died a heap of times, when Baal had captured him. He had been tortured, killed and then brought back to life with a scargophogus. He had had high brushes with death plenty of times afterwards. Why should this time be any different?

Was it because it was combined with the death of Janet that made it more severe...?

'Colonel O'Neill?' General Hammond's face appeared in the infirmary, closely followed by the rest of his body. 'I just came to see how you were doing.'

Jack sat up and winced slightly at the pain that it caused. 'I'm fine, Sir.' The General raised his left eyebrow, aware of the pain that Jack had just felt because his injury was not fully "fine".

'Okay, okay, I'm not fine. But I'm getting there, Sir.'

'Glad to hear of it, Colonel.'

Jack nodded. 'Uh... How's Carter and Daniel and Teal'c?'

'They're good. They'll be all right. I think Sam's going to take a bit more time than the others though.'

'Ha.' Jack laughed nervously. 'Those woman are so sentimental!' The General's eyes narrowed.

'That was out of line, O'Neill.'

'Yes, Sir. I know. I'm sorry, Sir. General Hammond's face relaxed a bit. He knew Jack's humour got them in _and _out of trouble sometimes, but George Hammond knew that he tried to use it responsibly. At least he _did _try a little bit. He was a funny guy sometimes. But joking about Sam and Janet... at a time like this... especially when the pain was so fresh...

'Sir? How are you?' Jack asked concernedly, realising he'd gone a bit too far and that the doctor's death made General Hammond, just as upset as the others in the SG-1 team.

'Maybe I'm not okay now, Jack.' General Hammond slowly thinking of how to best phrase his words that would best describe his feelings. 'But I will be.'

'That's a good way to look at it, Sir.'

'I thought you should know, Jack. Major Carter is speaking at Janet's Memorial Service on Wednesday... Cassie will be there too. They need you to be there for them right now. Can I ask you to do that?' Jack looked somewhat surprised at the task given to him, but then snapped to attention. 'You can count on me, Sir.'

'Good to hear, Colonel.' General Hammond turned to leave the infirmary. 'Jack? Please don't mention this to Major Carter... or Cassie?'

Jack nodded and the General, satisfied with his answer, left Jack alone again.


	3. Pesky NID and the everpresent Kinsey

Pesky NID and the ever-present Kinsey

AN: Yay for Chapter three! w00t! Sorry folks but chapter four should take a whole heap longer to get out I'm afraid. Term 2 starts tomorrow and I'm gonna be SO busy! I hope this chapter will be some consolation. And if not, you can always click the link to my userpage and read my other story 'Sam's Wedding.' So watch out in a month or two it might be out. But I'm also having a temporary writer's block or whatever it's called and haven't written anything productive for days!

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'Damn NID!' Sam muttered angrily to herself as she strode down the hallway in a right foul mood. 

Woolsey had started his "interviews" that he was doing for the President. Getting "the truth" about their latest mission to P3X-298. Woolsey had pulled the "Mr. High and Mighty, I'm right you're wrong" thing on them.

'You're a seasoned combat officer and this is not the first time you have lost a close colleague and I doubt it will be the last. I just want to make sure that it wasn't avoidable in this case. Despite what you might think, the only reason I'm here is to get the truth.' Sam had tried to hold back a snort of disbelief, instead she gave him a contemptuous glare and said, 'Did you have a question?' And then, it began. The tirade of questions making her feel irritable as he interrogated her with the sole purpose to contradict her answers. 'You can't ask… human beings to risk their lives without backup, without knowing that we would be there for them.' He just gave a superior smile and said 'You yourself have been asked to go into combat where you knew there was no back up. That is always a possibility on any mission through the Stargate is it not?' Sam had glared daggers at him, but Woolsey went on criticising eveyrthing SG-1 had done on their mission to all of them, except Jack because he was still in the infirmary. She didn't care that Senator Kinsey had authorised the interviews; when Woolsey had finished, she got out of there as fast as she could giving a small 'good luck' to the waiting Daniel, hoping he'd be able to keep stay collected in there.

So Sam was walking, more like marching to the Commisary and orered a cup of coffee to calm her down.

How dare he make such accusations! 'It was just dumb luck that there weren't many more lives lost.' 'So you would have me believe that this was an acceptable risk?' 'I believe classified military operations require oversight.' Sam kicked the table leg that she was seated at, wincing at the sudden pain it had caused.

'Well that was incredibly smart.' A sarcastic voice said. She looked up to see who it was. 'Mr. Bregman.' Sam gave him a polite smile as the reporter sat down with her.

'How are you, Major Carter?' He asked. 'I heard that Colonel O'Neill is in the hospital wing injured. I'm sorry.' She gave him a slightly disgruntled look. 'I'm fine but… ah, I really have to go. I've got work to do.' She gave him a brief smile as she picked up her coffee cup and started to leave.

'I'm sure he'll be alright, Major Carter. He'll recover and then you can go back to being Colonel and Major again.' Sam stopped, shocked. Taking a deep breath trying to control her temper, she turned around and said, 'You'd better watch what you say around here, Mr Bregman. Or the President may decide not to be so willing to let you continue your work.' Before he could say anything more, she quickly walked away feeling more perturbed than ever.

Daniel sat at his computer typing away, not taking much notice of what he was writing. Just standard mission report stuff, that was all. Except it wasn't so standard, because it used the phrase "Dr. Janet Fraisier suffered severe casualities and died while serving in the line of duty". It just didn't sit right with him. Of course... it wouldn't sit right with anyone of the team. But seeing it on screen, typing the painful words with his own nimble fingers...

When Daniel had lost his wife at the very beginning of SG-1, he had never felt so helpless and upset. That was why he had joined the SGC in the first place. So he could take revenge on the Gou'ald for taking his wife and free her and Skaara.

But the feeling of helplessness and lonliness came rushing back to him with such a powerful force, that tears pricked at his eyes and his chest became heavy as he found it difficult to breathe. He took some great gulps of air and settled back slightly in his chair, dipping his fingers into his his glass of water and rubbed them around his face, the icy cold water, startling yet refreshing. It gave him a small burst of energy and he typed on his computer furiously for fifteen seconds, and then he felt it leaking out of him as fast as it had come.

He sighed, and his thoughts turned reluctantly back to Janet. Her warm, funny smile, her voice, alternating between soothing, anxious, "in command", kind, and ocassionally angry.

He remembered one time, when he was being used as a "lifeboat" for other personalities. His consciousness was hiding quietly in the corner of his mind, avoiding the disarray of the ten other personalities. Janet was talking to the sovereign of those people, who was giving her an earful about himself, "I'm their sovereign, they need me. You don't realise who you are talking to." Janet's answer was priceless; her face mingled with frustration, anxiety and defensivness; her voice searing with anger and fearful worry. She had yelled, "I don't give a damn! You don't belong in that man's body and I intend to take it back!"

In that moment, Daniel had stared at her (in his mind) with a new kind of admiration and respect. Those few words she had said, full of so much emotion, meant the world to him. He had never felt so much gratitude towards her (except when he had Ascended) and so much appreciation that he had such a brilliant and extraordinary friend. He had never felt so lucky in all the world. 'Beat that you soveriegn scum!', he had thought. 'Let's see your "loyal subjects" defend you like that!'

He loved Janet, as a friend. She was such an amazing person, and now... He tried to stop the thought from coming but it came anyway... now she was gone forever. He would never have a friend like her again.

'Never' was such a foreboding word, he thought dejectedly as he continued typing up his mission report. But "Janet is dead. Janet is dead" kept ringing through his head; like the bells at a church, ringing mournfully at a funeral.

A tear that he never even knew was building up there, rolled down his cheel. Followed by another. And another. He quickly wiped his face on his sleeve as the reporter Bregman came in the door, knocking a bit too late.

"Dr. Jackson?" he asked carefully. _Well at least he had the decency to ask._

"Yeah... It's really not a good time right now." Daniel told him.

"I've just been hearing bits and peices; I was hoping you might be able to confirm some of it." sarcastic voice _Yeah and at least he has the decency to 'get the picture'_.

"Sorry." _Yeah, sorry. You won't be getting anything from me today. Not ever._

Bregman still wouldn't give up. Talk about a determined man, determined in the wrong sense though. Bregman looked over at the video camera sitting solemnly on the desk. Daniel's bloody fingerprint was imprinted on it's silver surface, as the moments that it captured would ever be imprinted in his memory. Daniel surveyed it, shivering as he remembered...

So please review:D There will also be a flashback for Daniel next chapter.


	4. Saving his life

CHAPTER FOUR – Saving his life 

AN: It's been a while, I know, so here's a slightly longer one to make up for lost time. I'm afraid it may be a while longer for the next chapter, so I hope this can compensate enough. Holidays soon, so I'll do lots of relaxing and writing. Not that there's much people watching this, but… shrugs Anyway, I like this chapter, it's very reflective, and I'm sorry I can't write flashbacks really well. I suppose it would be helpful if I see the episode more than once but what can you do?

I used a lot of dialogue, (good ol' transcripts) and I'd just like to disclaim that it is not mine and I didn't write it. I have to say I like Bregman's story of Kristophsky a lot, it's very nice and deep. Stargate is not mine either, if it was Janet would still be alive because she's awesome! Teryl why did you have to leave! Waaaaaaah cries

Anyway, on with the story! Enjoy!

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_Flashback_

Confusion was everywhere. There were people all around him. Staff blasts were ringing in his ears. He could see fallen men and Jaffa lying on the ground.

He and Janet were running towards a wounded Airman Wells from SG-15. The Airman's friend Bosworth spoke rushed. 'There's a lot of blood coming form underneath him.' He moved back into a defensive stance. 'I'll cover you from the ridge.' Janet kneeled onto the grass beside the injured man. 'I'm Doctor Janet Frasier,' she said clearly to him. 'Can you hear me?'

The airman let out short, pained gasps. 'Yeah…hurts so bad… I think it went right through me!' Daniel winced, seeing the tears threatening to fall from the young man's eyes as he battled with the pain and the fear of dying of a foreign planet, far away from his family and friends. Daniel tried to talk to him as Janet evaluated his condition. 'What's your name?'

'Simon Wells', he wheezed. 'Am I gonna die?'

'Not if I have anything to do with it.' Janet interrupted with a determination in her voice that he had become familiar with over the years. 'Ok, we need to roll him over and stop the bleeding, ok?' She enlisted Daniel for help. 'Hang in the there, Simon.' Together they carefully turned him onto his back, Simon cursing loudly in pain. Daniel kept reassuring him and moved from Simon's topic of what happened to, 'What's going on at home right now?'

'My wife…she's pregnant.' _Oh well that makes things a **whole **lot better._

'Yeah, uh, this your first?' The airman nodded, 'congratulations.'

Janet something to Simon and he gave a scream. 'Well that's good, at least you felt that,' Janet said. But the Airman was losing concentration, and was now focussing on the pain. It didn't help that a soldier came over the radio saying that their position had been compromised and they were not going to be able to hold the gate for much longer. Simon Wells urged them to go and leave him.

'You can't help me!'

'**Nobody **is going anywhere!' Janet said with a fierce loyalty that meant that there was absolutely no call for argument.

'I can't believe I'm not gonna see my son!' Daniel held a bandage over Simon's wound, his hand now stained red. Simon saw it and panicked. 'Okay, just stay focused. So it… it's a boy, you're uh, gonna have.' That didn't deter him.'

'Tell me the truth… I'm not gonna make it, right?'

'You're gonna be fine.' _Please be fine._

Simon Wells was two inches from a panic attack. 'Doctor Jackson… please! Please… just let me tell my wife that…agh!' He screamed again, feeling the pain most acutely as Janet did some more stuff to him. Daniel exchanged a look with Janet. He knew how important it was to tell your loved one's goodbye when you were dying. Janet knew that too and gave a simple nod. 'Ok, ok.' Daniel said and handed the IV bag to Janet so he could get his camera ready. 'Got it… breath, Simon… it's okay.' Janet reassured him, not knowing that those words she spoke would be some of her last…

_End of Flashback _

With tears in his eyes Daniel got up from his desk and grabbed the camera out of the reporter's reach. Masking the pain in his eyes, he glared at Bregman, angry with him for forcing him to relive the memory and the horrible event that followed. 'I said: "Now's not a good idea." What part of that didn't you understand!' His teeth were gritted together and it was only the fact that his task was authorised by the President that stopped Daniel from literally kicking him out.

He turned to look at Bregman, who was staring fixedly at the camera. 'You got something on tape didn't you?' Daniel could see the wheels turning in the guy's head and his suppressed excitement at the thought of a first-person view of a botched off-world mission 'Get out', Daniel said in a dangerously low voice. 'Get. Out.'

Emmet could tell that he was on dangerous ground with the doctor at the moment. 'Okay… I will. Alright.' He walked to the door, genuinely feeling sorry for the man. He hadn't known Doctor Fraiser for that long, but he could tell that she was a pretty special woman who was highly respected at the base. Suddenly Emmet stopped, remembering a similar situation… He turned around cautiously. Well here goes. 'You know ... I once did a piece on this war photographer, his name's Martin Kristofsky. For six months he was with a unit in Vietnam and the day before he was schedule to leave. The day before ... he's out with the unit and it was just a routine patrol or so they thought but suddenly, the Lieutenant pulled him down and Kristophsky hadn't intended to take a picture at that moment but his hands were on the camera and he hit the ground so hard that it just went off. The picture captured the Lieutenant getting shot in the head and Kristophsky said to me, "Well that bullet would of hit me, should of hit me."

And he never showed that picture to anyone. Not for 25 years, but 25 years later he got up one morning and he looked at that picture and he saw something that wasn't horrific and he decided to tell the story because he realised that he hadn't accidentally taken a picture of a man dying. It was of a man saving his life.' He said the last part firmly, causing Daniel to look up in surprise. Simon Wells had been well enough for visitors, but he could only imagine that thoughts of guilt would be plaguing him.

Bregman continued, 'The picture I'm making, that I'm trying to make is about what you people do every single day. Under extreme circumstances that _no one_ can even imagine. And I don't know what happened out there, I'm sorry about whatever it was and if you did tape something of it ... that's not gonna change what happened. What it _will_ change is how you feel about it.'

Leaving those profound words hanging in the room to dry (into Daniel's mind); Emmet turned around and walked out of the room, much to Daniel's relief. During the story that Emmett had told, Daniel had listened intently, although it hadn't looked like it. Twenty-five years. Twenty-five years Martin Kristofsky had been racked with guilt, twenty-five years of blaming himself, twenty-five years of living with the Lieutenant's death on his head. But what had changed for Kristofsky? What had made him look at the picture in a different light? What made him tell Emmet that story?

'That's what you people do every single day…'

'It was of a man saving his life…'

Janet. Janet had done that. She had died doing her job, saving a man's life. A noble cause to die for, but she was still dead. And even if he changed the way he looked at things, it wouldn't change the fact. The fact that she would _never_ come back. Daniel sighed and took the camera into his hands, feeling the cold metal on his skin.

The video camera had caught many things on tape, different civilisations, people, events, worlds; everything from the Minoan Land of Light to Apophis' ship to Nirrti's fortress. He never thought that it would capture the death of Janet on it. Never would he have imagined – it was too painful to think about the possibility of _any_ of his friends dying let alone Janet.

And Cassie… they all loved Cassie, but it was Sam who broke the news to her; that her mother was dead, just like her real parents. Dead. He had been a little busy in the post-war after-math, but he had managed to visit her for a while. He had sat with her. Just sat with his arms around her shoulder, just giving support, just being there fro her. Actually they were being there for each other. Both of them felt the loss greatly and comforted the other, finding solace in each other's silent company. And even though Cassie was a strong kid, he knew she was hurting much more than she would ever say. But that was okay with Daniel, as long as she admitted that to herself. Cassie was going to live with Sam until things settled down, and was going to come to the base on Wednesday for the memorial service and he was going to stand next to her, proudly saluting the brave, courageous, wonderful woman that they had both loved. He was going to stand next to her and pay tribute to her mother as she was honoured. Honoured for dying for her country. Honoured for saving the lives of many other brave warriors.

END OF CHAPTER 4 


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